Saturday, January 8, 2011

Today I woke up looking like a troll

Upon awaking from a deep slumber in the middle of the Enchanted Forest this morning, I quickly realised two things.
1)      My name wasn’t Snow White.
2)      Usually delightful and well meaning friends turn into long nosed Pinocchio’s at 11:30pm on a Tuesday when they pour you another glass of wine at dinner and proclaim, “You’ll be fine for work in the morning doll.” Yeah, right on!
Stumbling into the bathroom for my usual morning routine of; cleanse, tone, eye gel, serum, sunscreen moisturiser and primer, things got progressively worse. A troll from a nearby bridge dwelling had broken into my house and was standing in front of my mirror.

Dehydrated, green tinged, sallow looking skin – check. Nasty black circles setting up camp under the eye area – check. Wild, swamp creature-esque hair – check. Transforming this beast into a real life looking girl won’t be easy, however Parlour and Loot has a few helpful ideas for when one finds herself in this predicament.
Illuminating Foundation. This is KEY when one is hung over, tired or dehydrated from a 20km marathon. Now, I know that in this situation, it’s extremely tempting to reach for your “thick as paint! Makes me look all Blake Lively-ish in photos” foundation, but trust me when I tell you that a heavy foundation (especially powder-based ones) will only make your skin look more lack lustre. Not to mention it will start creeping into the fine lines of your skin making them look all obvious and attention seeking. (Like Khloe Kardashian’s new red hair. Ok, that was mean but hey, I bet Kim was pissed when Khloe stole the limelight with her new locks at the 2011 People’s Choice Awards).
Rimmel's Recover Illuminating Anti-Fatigue Foundation is a smart choice for combating dull skin as it uses a complex of spherical powders (white pearl and blue pigments) to visually illuminate the complexion and conceal pesky things such as imperfections and dark shadows. Note: Sculling a litre of water with some lemon in it won’t hurt either! Illuminating foundations reflect light off your skin so they have the added benefit of making you look as though you have a professional lighting team following you around all day.

RRP: $18.95

Now to tackle the hair. At this stage in the game, I’m guessing those locks have already had a shitload of heat and styling products bestowed upon them and are crying out for a repair masque, but guess what sugar plum? There’s no time! Girl works hard for the money and must get her derriere into work pronto. Instead of trying to tame that bed hair “look”, we are going to work with it! Firstly, do not brush your mane; this will only make it look fluffy and possibly dirty. Instead tip your head upside down and spray a small amount of sea salt spray (I like David Babaii for Wildaid Bohemian Beach Spray $23.70) through the mid-lengths and ends and scrunch with your fingers to add some texture and definition so that this style looks purposeful and not accidental. Then flip your head back up and create either a middle or side part. Take the lengths of your hair to one side of your face and make a dishevelled plait starting just below the ear. If you have any stray layers hangin’ loose on the opposite side, make sure you pin them as we are aiming for “bohemian-chic”, not “I’ve been rolling around in the gutter with a strange animal”. Secure your plait with a clear hair tie when it's three quarters down the whole length of your hair and tousle the ends with your fingers.

 Alexander Wang S/S 2010

While you may not look exactly like your usual million dollar self, these two easy steps should help you achieve a classy imitation. Good luck beauties!